Sorry

I've been MIA for a couple of days, my appologies. The pain these last few days has been almost absolutely unbearable. It does not help any having a broken nose and constant headache from that on top of the normal pains, but even the normal pains have been out of control these last few days. I have barely been able to move, my brain feels like mush, the pain pills arent doing jack, and my head feels like an elephant stepped on it.

My husband accidently broke my nose the other day...he flopped backwards onto the bed with the cat in his arms, and the back of his head went full force into the center of my nose. Ended up with a pretty good nose bleed, and I am 100% certain it is broken, but I know they cant do anything for it unless it is one of those really messed up looking type breaks, which it certainly is not. It is just where if I push on it, I can feel the cartilage moving inside up and down. Nothing major, but hurts like all get out!

M finally managed to catch his plane home Tuesday. We miss him a lot when he is not here. I spent literally all day Tuesday at the airport, as his flight was delayed over and over and over again! Lovely, then had to spend $14 just to pay for the dang parking! I hate the airport...

Anyone doing anything exciting for New Years? I'm doing the same thing we always do, staying home, staying up, watching the ball drop at midnight, and giving my husband a kiss at midnight for the first thing I do every year. It's tradition, and you dont mess with tradition! :D

Ugh, sooo much pain!

Spent close to 4hrs at the airport yesterday making sure M got on his plane home ok. Hubby managed to use the wrong departure time, and we originally got there at 10am, only to find out that his plane didnt leave until almost 3pm, it was all ready delayed by 20 mins at that point.We went to lunch and came back around 1:pm. By the time he took off, it was almost 2 hrs behind! :( Those airport chairs, and all the walking involved to get to the chairs at the gate, are NOT intended for someone with physical issues! Even the medication is not helping with the pain from all of this last night and this morning. Top that with what is probably a broken nose, and I am not having a good few days! haha.

I am learning..

This holiday season has left me with one giant realization. With all of the pain, the medication, etc, I HAVE to ask for help. I am used to being a very independent woman, doing whatever I can to help out, or whatever needs done. This year, though, things are quite different. I am required to ask for help with a lot of things. You see, I'm on weight restrictions. I am not allowed to lift over 5lbs. This basically means ANYTHING I need to lift, I have to ask for help. Heck, even our crock pot weights more than that to get down and put up! This has been a difficult transition for me. Like I said, I'm a very independent woman when it comes to being able to do things myself. I am not used to asking for help, I am not used to having to sit down to help out in the kitchen because I can not stand, I am not used to not being able to help with clean up after dinner, even just doing the dishes is quite a chore now a days.

On a happier note, Christmas was a huge success, and C, my middle daughter, has been painting up a storm with her new art kit water colors. (After the mess she made all over my kitchen with these by "splatter painting", I am soooo not ready for actual good paints!) According to her last night, they are 50cents or $1 each, but luckily for me, she made me 2 coupons for 2 free paintings. I love this kid. She said the money is so she can buy pencils at the school book store. They are actually quite good too! She is very creative, it's the only good quality my kids inherited from me! C and L are both very good at drawing, painting, etc. I am so happy they got my affinity for it, and not their fathers! He can't even draw a stick figure well!

This picture reminds me, the other day, we were at Gamestop buying some last minute Christmas stuff. The store we went to happens to be the one I used to work at as well, meaning I know just about everyone that works there, minus the seasonal hires. One of my favorite girls was working this night. We went to check out, and she proceeded to ask me if I was "expecting again". This has been something I get asked on a normal basis, but not recently. You see, I lost 23lbs within the last few months, and had not been asked again since before I had lost the weight. I was always a skinny person, weighing 100lbs even when I had my oldest daughter, and about 115lbs when I had my son 8 years ago. Now, up until about 3 years ago, I stayed this skinny. Then I balooned up to 185lbs. (I am 5'4", I'm not exactly tall.) I am now down to 162lbs, and trying to finish loosing about another 30lbs to get back to my "normal for your size" weight. I don't want to look anorexic, but I'd like to be a healthy size again. I was so happy when I found out I had lost that much weight! I figured I had lost about 10lbs, I mean, I knew my jeans were a little bit looser, and my shirts were baggier, but I did not realize it was a whole 23lbs! I was extatic...until the other night. That knocked me into a massive depression that night. I was up until 5am that night just depressed to the point that when my dog went to his kennel to go to bed, in my head, it was because I was too fat and ugly for even my dog to want to be near me. It's amazing how that sort of stuff can spiral like that. It just amazes me how depression can alter the mind. When it gets to that point, it is very hard to snap out of it, to bring yourself  back up out of the black hole, and a lot of times, sleep is the only help for me, and when I get depressed, that is nearly impossible. I am on medication for it, but sometimes, just sometimes, it still spirals, that blackness still envelopes me, but that is a post for another day...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Just wanted to wish anyone that reads this a very Merry Christmas and a wonderfully Happy New Year! Christmas in our house was a huge success, despite all of the pain involved this year! :) The kids are playing with all of their new stuff, and not a single fight all day so far! (That's the best Christmas present for me!!) I even got a nap, since the kids got us up at 4:30 am, and we finished setting up around 1am. Have a wonderful holiday!! May it be filled with laughter, love, and joy!

My favorite time of year...

This is my absolute, positively, most favorite time of the year! I adore the holidays! I love it from Halloween on through New Years. Halloween is my favorite out of all the holidays, but Christmas is a very, very close second. This year, however, has been REALLY difficult for me. Going out and standing/walking while shopping has been super difficult. Bending over wrapping gifts has been super difficult. Today has been especially hard. Our second car, my car, has been broken down for a while now. A friend of hubby's was supposed to come tow it to a shop while hubby was in the Phillippines, and couldnt make it, so now he is coming to get it after Christmas instead now. This means, that with 5 kids and 2 adults, we could not make it to my Grandmothers for Christmas dinner today without renting a car. Well, I called and got the reservation, but due to the womans incompetance, they did not actually reserve it as they were supposed to, and we did not end up getting the rental, they had NOTHING left, as it is Christmas Eve. It saddened me a lot not to be able to make it to my Grandmothers. It is one of the very, very few times I get to see most of my family. It was the only chance I really could have gotten to see my cousin whom is pregnant with her first little boy. (I'm soooo excited for her!!)

I love Christmas, but this pain is causing me to go grinch this year. I'm trying my best to still be festive. I'm still wearing my santas hat, still put up all the decorations, etc. It's just been VERY difficult for me, the pain medication is not doing a whole lot these last few days, and lack of sleep last night (a whopping 2 hrs!) and for the last few nights has not helped any. :( I really wish I could just not hurt for a few days to actually be able to enjoy the holiday this year!

Oh my, 5 kids!

Yes, that is right,  I have 5 kids currently in my living room playing Rock Band and YELLING at each other. I currently have to all ready clean up the popcorn from the movies last night that my middle daughter, C, decided to dump all over M, her half brother whom arrived via reindeer (aka, airplane) yesterday evening. You all have no idea how wonderful it is to have them all here though! And really, 5 isnt all that much harder than the 3-4 I have on a regular basis.

You may be wondering where the 5th came from though, as I stated I have 3, and my stepson. Well the third is K. L's best friend whom doesnt have a family. If I could adopt her today, I sooo would! I love her dearly, as does my husband, and we've even presented it to her guardian that we would love to formally put in paperwork that if anything happens to her guardian, we want to adopt her. We even had a lawyer say she would draft the paperwork for us for FREE! There is a LOT more to her story than  I am going to announce to the world wide web on my blog though, but feel free to suffice it and say it is a VERY sad story. No girl, heck, no child, should have ever had to deal with any of the things this girl has dealt with. But we love her, and she is my unofficial daughter.

Now, yes, I will be loosing my mind this week, as we try to manage to fit 5 kids and 2 adults up to my grandparents for Christmas Eve dinner/gifts, it's tradition, and I really do want to go. I miss my family, as with my FM and such, I have MAJOR issues driving just to the north side of town, let alone clear up for the hour and 15 minute drive to my family, and my mom is further north than that even! :(  Lucky for me, hubby is driving!

Oh by the way, if you have not seen "Dispicable ME", do it!! Best movie ever I think. I've seen it twice now in the movie theater, only a couple days apart, and loved, loved, loved it!!

We also picked up "Easy A" last night, it was a pretty good movie, quite funny, and quite heartwarming at the end. Emma Stone is an amazing actress whom is stunning to look at as well!

You see, movies are one of the few things I am still able to enjoy, permitting I have my pain medicine in me. It does not require me to stand or walk or whatnot, and I can adjust how I sit often to avoid getting into a lot of pain. I enjoy the movies, especially with hubby, as before I met him, I never really went to the theater often at all, now we do the dollar theater, but hey, it's still nice, and usually on date night! :D Nothing beats just the two of us at the movies, his arm around my shoulders, my hand holding his other, just spending time together.

I may have FM and osteoarthritis, but I am definately blessed! I have 5 fabulous kids for the holidays, an absolutely amazing husband that loves me and takes great care of me, a beatiful house, a nice car. I am definately giving thanks this year!! My only wish is that someday I will be able to actually walk around right again, go back to work (I miss my co-workers sooooo much!!). That is my goal, oh, and to loose a little more weight. Despite loosing 23lbs so far, I still got asked if I was pregnant last night... :(

My bestest best friend..

This adorable little ball of fluff and fur is my dog, Joy. She was aptly named that by L, my oldest daughter. When she was born, the sack burst while she was only nose out of the canal. We had to help her out, and pull her out while I pulled and L held her mother. L promptly exclaimed "We should name her Joy, because it's a joy she is alive!".It was almost Christmas (12-12-09 is her b-day), and it quickly stuck.

She answers to many, many other names...little sh*t, Joyjoy, Fuzzy girl, babydoll, pookie-girl, fuzzybutt, etc. She is the happiest little thing I have EVER seen,and the BEST dog I have ever owned! She's paper trained, she is a snuggle bug, she loves nothing more than curling up on my lap and going to sleep, or curling up with me under the blankets at bedtime. She has a wide variety of clothes, as at 3lbs even, she doesnt hold body heat very well. Everything from a bright pink winter coat, to an adorable little red/white Mrs. Claus dress for Christmas, to sweaters, hoodies, etc. She also has a few harnesses, one of which is my favorite and came from her Chihuahua forum secret santa! By the way, she HATES hoods or hats...as you can see..

She is a Chihuahua mix, and my baby! My mom owns her brother, who was the runt of the litter, but is now bigger than she is, and a very good friend of mine owns her other brother.  They have both found wonderful homes for their entire lives, just as Joy will always be with us.

Now mind you, to give you that info was kinda required. It helps you to understand how she is my bestest best friend.

She goes almost everywhere with me, and helps me get over the fear of leaving the house due to pain. See, when this all first started, I went to work that morning, and almost could not drive myself home. Since then, I have been having extreme bouts of anxiety concerning walking, driving, anything that requires me to leave the house. She has been helping me to overcome this. She LOVES to go for car rides, walks, etc. This means when I do go out, I have some sort of companionship to help me with this. That would be Joy!

Now, the funny part is...when she gets REALLY sleepy, she can't hold her ears up! They get super floppy, and she reminds me of Yoda.

                                                                                                                                   Size matters not.
                                                                                         -- Yoda

Welcome!

Hello there, and Happy Holidays to you and yours! I'm doing this as a side project, just some way for me to vent sometimes, or express how I feel when no one understands. If you live with Fibromyalgia, you will be able to understand most of my posts easily. If not, I hope the rest of you at least find some humor in the way I will put things down so as to make you smile and possibly even brighten your day a bit! Not everything will be funny, sometimes things will be serious, or whatnot, but I will always be honest with how I experience things.

Now, a little about me. I am Dustin. I am a mother of 5 beautiful children, not all of whom are from my own womb. We have 3 of our own, I have 1 stepson whom I love dearly, and we have unofficially adopted my oldest daughters BFF. I was recently diagnosted with osteoarthritis in my lower back that causes me a great deal of pain, but the worst of it all seems to be the Fibromyalgia. The FM causes my joints, random ones each day, to ache and hurt like there is no tomorrow. They do not know WHY I have this pain, but I've had injections, MRIs, pain management for a bit now, and pain medications, along with other meds as well. Pain meds only seem to make the pain somewhat tolerable as long as I do not try to stand or walk for more than an hour at a time. I have been married for 10 years this past November, some good times, some bad, but we've worked through it and come out much stronger because of it.

Anways, enjoy your stay, and I hope you will return! :D